homeless (right at home).

I’ve used the word “homeless” quite a bit these past few months, in reference to my absence of a conceptual home.  The sublet I stayed in was someone else’s home.  Staying on a friend’s floor, while full of my once furniture, was still not my home.  Especially now in my new Berlin digs, sharing close quarters with four elderly Chinese men * - this is where I sleep, but this is not (yet) my home!

Each time I used the word “homeless” in the United States, the first look I would get back was pity.  By the expression on his face I expected the young guy at the storage facility to either (a) offer up his couch for the evening or (b) prepare the paperwork in auctioning off my goods for the impending non-payment.  Americans are so stubbornly independent that the perception of a homeless man is not only taken as somehow pathetically invasive, it’s considered an outright character flaw.  People never took that word to mean a man without a nest of his own, the reaction always jumped to a mild bout of outrage.  Three times I found myself far too amused to attempt a proper explanation.

Each time I use the word “homeless” in Berlin, the face on the other side immediately nods in understanding.  Perhaps this is because tons of broke-ass people move to broke-ass Berlin and trade the concept of salary for the concept of scrimping.  I am no different – this city is littered with ex-pats seeking 200 Euro / month rooms, most hoping for that all-elusive steady job as well as that all-elusive meeting someone who speaks their native language sans eyeroll.

I am incredibly comforted by the sheer scale of how people drift here.  Days blow by with only coffee stains and conversation as evidence, such lavish bohemia is haunted by only two demons – visa extensions and rent.

Today I decided to apply for a visa extension of my own, to be able to spend an entire summer here at the Disneyland of hunger, happening, and ruin.  I have begun burning reams of A4-sized paper to the gods of Bureaucracy, in hopes I can trick them into giving me the freedom to stay.  All it takes is a mountain of cash, a legion of impossible promises (in writing), and an affidavit notarized by Werner Herzog.

…but really I’ve come back to spend some quality time with three very good friends of mine:

(pictured: Dr. Haribo Extra Sauer Pommes, Mrs. Barilla Pesto alla Calabrese mit Paprika, Prof. Bitter Lemon + Vodka esq.)

* may or may not be true

velocity, impact.

12.4 pounds of miscellany packed every square inch of the large flat-rate box.  I smiled at the postal employee as he grunted under the one-handed weight, satisfied in the decisions mailed back.  There is that wonderful moment in suiting up a well-designed backpack - after toggles and buckles are adjusted the weight becomes almost an extension of yourself.  My daily laptop/messenger bag goes on first and sits low, forming something of a posterior shelf.  I then put my backpack on over that, giving me the carrying capacity + close fit of a more traditional hiking pack, sans the need to check it into the belly of the plane.  While I’m still carrying a hefty load, it now feels far more reasonable.

The last four months have been one jarring stomp on the accelerator pedal.  When my life changes in a radical way I tend to let go entirely, or at least let things run wide. Truth be told I wasn’t planning this trip.  I didn’t know I’d be saying an extended goodbye to friends and family.  The sweeter side of oblivion overtook me entirely during those last few weeks in Seattle, and I smashed headfirst into New York City an exhausted mess of a man.



Lucky for me an old friend pays way too much for a great apartment with a fantastic view of the Hudson.  This is the kind of friendship that enjoys equal parts understood silence and insightful conversation, the former I sorely needed.  I’ve spent the last two weeks decompressing / preparing myself for the leap back into project #1.  I wish I could spend a lot more time here, but honestly I’m not sure the elbow-to-elbow environment would have been conducive to getting much work done.

Where will I work?  Not New York.

Next stop: Berlin, for 2+ months.  My goal is to have a Beta of project #1 launched before I leave Europe, else I risk facing a non-Western character set for that critical testing phase.  Fake data can only take you so far…

reduce to a simmer.

Let’s make something clear: I am a computer professional, complete with the ailments and weaknesses of my kin.  I am in no way a personal packhorse of the Sherpa people nor have I ever gone to a gym that is xtreme in nature.

When I threw that Tom Bihn brick into the trunk it never even registered how terrible it would be to get the Entire Weight of Mankind (roughly 5-10 lbs) from the overhead compartment at Newark into my friend’s Manhattan apartment.  I was far too pre-occupied stuffing the nylon turkey to capacity and couldn’t be bothered with stupid stuff like math, ability.

Even though the idea is to stay a month or so at a time, chances are high I’ll be running to/from a terrifying/spirited/speedy/friendly oddity/train/snack/dog on a regular basis.  Not only was there no way I could run with the bulk I was carrying, I’m lucky no one pushed this turtle over on the streets of New York.  The bruises have faded but that dark day will live on forever in my mind.

How do you decide what stays and what goes, when every single thing you brought fits under one of your goals?

AMAZING GOAL COMPARISON CHART

Avoid Being Eaten By Vultures > Staying Healthy > Laptop Safety > Staying Sane > Getting Outside

Alright AMAZING GOAL COMPARISON CHART, let’s get rid of stuff.

Avoid Being Eaten By Vultures is most important here and wasn’t included on the goal list because it’s very important whether you are traveling abroad or not.  My Avoid Being Eaten By Vultures items include a backup vision correction system and required medications.

Staying Healthy means keeping the safe water UV device w/ plug-in boiling water backup, first-aid + dental emergency kit, mosquito net, and preventative medication.  Nothing optional here.

Laptop Safety!  A good assumption to have is that I’ll most likely lose a laptop on the way.  By peeved stegosaurus, mobsters, tuk-tuk, or an ill-timed swim: this sweet little thing is probably going to get it.  Protecting my backup hard drive is suddenly far more important than protecting my computer!

I originally found both a lockable wire bag and a perfectly fitting waterproof box to go inside and render this external savior drive MORE POWERFUL THAN ATLAS!!!!  GAMES THE COMPANY!!!!!!

Unfortunately the Otterbox was heavy / bulky and had to go.

All of the duplicate cables and USB hub + card reader were taken out.  Most bulky power adapter have already been swapped out with their USB counterparts, but the fact remains that most of my weight will be electronic in nature.  Upside: keeping a few powered creature comforts like a hella-loud + tiny USB speaker and bright USB light.

A Kensington notebook lock is still on the ?!? list but I’ll probably take it with me.  I’m really going to be pissed if someone grabs my computer and runs.  At least the laptop should be able to survive the attempt.

Staying Sane.  Basically I’m going to have to go insane.  In addition to the two-pound no-English insect-based tile game, most sane-making things (i.e. anything made of paper and/or fun) were obvious candidates.  I won’t, however, give up my single remaining excuse-to-be-social copy of San Juan.

Getting Outside.  The largest poncho ever made is fired.  Goodbye emergency tent, I can’t wait for that moment I REALLY need you.  Other than that I’ve barely brought enough clothing to get served at a restaurant.

Total weight saved?  I’m estimating a good third of the weight has been removed with around 25% of the overstuffed volume freed back up.  But then I went and bought a sleep mask for the train and a fantastic coffee/tea filter.  Stop doing this.  No, seriously.

Can I manage this new, wimpier load?  FIND OUT TUESDAY WHEN I GET ON A PLANE!

planning.

Reducing the size of the things in your life takes work.  Deciding how to pare down your chattels into 5’ x 8’ of space is just plain difficult.  It would make sense that filling a backpack from the remainder would be trivial, unfortunately the “stuff” you need to live on upon your return generally isn’t at all good for travel.

When I was first planning this trip my mind somehow equated “plan for all climates” with “camping supplies” and I started out with a cart full of emergency whistles and waterproof matches.  Once the alcohol wore off I realized I needed a better plan.

ASSUMPTIONS, LIVING

1. Series of short-term sublets.  A tour of Craigslist, if you will.
2. Hostels only if they have lockable boxes.
3. Reliable internet connection within a reasonable walk.

Goals!  Goals are great.  Without goals we’d have no reasons to make lists, and oh my gosh I love writing lists.

GOALS, A LIST

1. Staying Healthy
2. Staying Sane
3. Laptop Safety
4. Getting Out

REALITIES, A LESS ENJOYED LIST

1. Working requires Work Stuff.
2. Thieves love Work Stuff.
3. Cold in North, hot in South.

LUCKY BREAKS, AN EXCUSE FOR A LIST

1. Laptop is a wee 12” workhorse.
2. Mutant height allows for multiple bag-carrying options.
3. Stores exist in other places so enough with the lists.

Goals were set and I went about purchasing miniature versions of EVERYTHING I’VE ALREADY BOUGHT.  I amassed a pile of eligibility in order to make sure all of my bases were covered.

Lesson learned: I can’t physically carry a full set of covered bases.

basic rules.

Hi.

I strongly believe the centralization of our personal lives online is a dangerous thing.  This blog an experiment in figuring out how to share an experience without feeding it all to Facebook.  Either you know me or you don't - while my goal is writing to the former, I need to take the personally identifiable me out of the picture entirely.

Rules for myself:
1. No real names.
2. Careful with the photos.
3. No comments.

Feel free to contact me via angry.doughnut AT gmail DOT com.